Vulnerability - an ongoing sketch/draft
I'm going to invite you to embrace your vulnerability when it comes to creating. And by this I mean when you want to be able to do something but don't feel you are good enough - I am asking you to do it anyway.
Something that surprised me when I started teaching was how vulnerable people felt when learning to draw. I don't know why this surprised me because after decades of drawing I too still feel vulnerable.
Drawing is an intimate process and yet also something you are expected to showcase. This contradiction of making something for "you" but also for every single different type of viewer out there... well that feels very intimidating and bound to get some sort of judgement by someone (including yourself).
I feel vulnerable and yet I still draw. I would like to think it's because I love it. Maybe. But perhaps the less romantic and probably truer version is the habit of drawing has now evolved to be strong enough for me to feel vulnerable and do it anyway. Where I do feel vulnerability to the point I freeze and not produce is in writing. My vulnerability demon creeps in and hear myself say I don't have captivating headings and the format structure doesn't flow. My content is boring and my words are here for you to judge. What's the point, I say to myself. I'm useless at this. There is a whole internet of information out there why would you waste your time reading my useless blog. And then I don't write. I stay useless at it. I never improve on something I actually enjoy doing.
But what learning to draw has taught me is to feel the vulnerability and do it anyway. And if I am to teach this to my students, then I should practice what I preach when it comes to my writing. And so, here I am writing. I write with the acknowledgement that it's not meeting my level of expectation, nor yours. (I will be really surprised if you read further than the first sentence!) I am writing, despite not feeling good enough and I'm sharing it with you in the hopes that my love and eventually strong enough habit will bring me less frustration and embarrassment, and over time hopefully more pleasure and purpose.
And so my writing habit begins. I need to publish this before i read it a 100 times and never send it but before I do this: I invite you to join me and embrace your vulnerability (wherever it lies - be it drawing, painting, singing etc). Here is to our thousands of imperfect drafts/ sketches. Let us feel that "I'm not good enough" and do it anyway...